Poetry2ponder's Blog

When I was younger, people were always leaving me. One man said he didn’t like the color of my skin. Men and women were always complaining about my size. Some said I was too big. Others said I was too small. It really hurt. Another had the nerve to call me shallow. I tried to accept his abuse, but he broke my heart and took all my belongings. In reality, my belongings belonged to my lover, Zed. I had practically nothing of my own when he moved in. I thought Zed was “the one” and I had been with him for five years. He felt so good inside me. We slept together every day and every night. We fit together like pieces of a puzzle. I had been with him for five years when Jackie – one of his ex-lovers – stole him and his fortune away from me. I thought we were right for each other, but I was left empty and used. I buried my emotions and moved away after that.

That’s life, I guess. I can’t believe I wasted my time with someone who treated me like dirt.  I can’t believe I let Zed into my heart. I trusted him. He seemed like a great listener.  He was so sweet.  He arranged for flowers to come to us once a month and I loved the flowers dearly.  But, then, how could I trust any man to stay with me if the man who I loved was stolen from me after five years? I never trusted anyone after that. I wanted to find my soul mate – someone to love forever and ever. I wondered if I would ever find true love.

Some of my friends told me to be patient, that everyone has someone they’re compatible with. I didn’t want someone who was simply compatible with me. I wanted someone who I could be with forever. I wanted someone who listens, who was not too rich, but could pay for upkeep. I’m not too high maintenance. But I deserve to be treated well. I would get depressed and my depression seemed to rub off on others. Then, they would cry. Then, I would become even more depressed. These episodes seem to happen every day. It was so hard trying to be happy when everyone around me was always crying. Everyone who visited me seemed to leave crying. What did I ever do to them? I just couldn’t understand it.

Why are my neighbors all so popular? I wish I was as cool as them. They have visitors every day. Since their lovers accomplished so much, they’re revered by the public. Everyone speaks to them about how much they adore and respect their work. At the same time, their families are very proud, but they find it too difficult to visit. They know the darker side of these celebrities. It just irks me that these people get all the attention, while I get none.

There is a stone marker at the entrance of one of their houses, letting everyone know where the great actor sleeps. I think that my friend is happy holding him in her embrace. People come to visit him from all over the world. They celebrate his all of his achievements and praise his skills. To them, he is an icon. To my friend, he is her eternal love.

To make matters worse for me, I overheard a few friends say I’m creepy! I don’t think I’m creepy. It’s not like I go stalk people. I just stay at home and hope my friends visit me. I get angry when they don’t visit, but I don’t show it. I just suck it up. How is that creepy? Even if I am a little cold and quiet, or “distant”, that doesn’t give them the right to put me down. And my friends don’t even visit enough.

Despite all the negatives, people used to bring me flowers all the time. This was back when I was with “the one”. I’ve always loved flowers. It’s not as though I am self absorbed. I know I’m not beautiful. In fact, I’m always lying in the grass and the dirt. To many people, that is a turn-off. But, the flowers let me know that, despite my flaws, people really care about what’s “on the inside”.

Today, I’m supposed to meet a woman. Her family has arranged our marriage. As I listened to the family speak with my master to arrange for our meeting, I gained many details about this young angel. She is attractive and young. Supposedly, her family arranged for her to be well endowed. I’m looking forward to sweetly embracing her. It will be the first person I’ve been with since Zed was taken from me. Her name is Elizabeth Dolores. Before she retired, Elizabeth was an actress. She had been a rising star in the entertainment industry, having starred in several independent feature films. However, as she amassed a small fortune and a degree of fame, she began to party more and more. She became addicted to cocaine for a number of years. The addiction had been killing her sleep schedule and she became severely neurotic. Eventually, she realized that cocaine and the lack of sleep was killing her emotionally. She flushed all of her cocaine down the toilet.

Then, a few years later, according to her father, her boyfriend introduced her to heroin. Heroin slowed things down for her, kept her mellow. But, this was taking a toll on her body and her mind. She lived with this scourge for two years. She was in a play and she fell off the stage because she couldn’t keep her balance. She fell six feet. Fortunately, she was never the same after that.  That’s why she ended up retiring early.

Despite all these drug problems, I know that she will be the one to love me forever. She will be the one who I can count on to never leave me. I feel so bad for her, but I will protect her from the cold, dark world. I will keep her safe and clean – free from the scourge of drugs and the emotional stress that comes with them.

I will never let this happen to her again. She is going to be my good luck charm and I will be keep her safe for her family. Her children will visit us and bring us flowers. I’ll tell them that she was the best mother that ever lived – despite her missteps. I won’t tell them of her infidelities or her addictions. No, I will keep her safe for eternity.

I don’t know how many people will visit me after I become her lover. But, I will proclaim to all that she is loved. The words will be written in stone for all those who come to pass to read, as we rest, six feet under. My large frame will shelter her from the cold, wet mud and the worms which surround us.